by Ben on January 17, 2011
The power of the mind to delude itself into thinking that one’s actions are morally and ethically correct has always amazed me. I’ve never claimed to be a perfect individual, far from it, nor a perfect manager, but I’ve always been able to admit mistakes, learn, heal, and move on with my life a better person and coach in an efficient way, and I rarely care who knows about those mistakes.
I saw good people poisoned by negativity and allow their personal and professional growth to be stunted and corrupted in 2010. It will probably be one of the lasting impacts of the recession, an entire generation embittered by a few rough years. I found a few of those people and helped pull them out, but just as many I know I could have done more for. Maybe it was one more positive email, one more meeting for lunch on me, one more unexpected phone call just to see how things were going.
Ultimately it’s all up to the individual to see their life for what it really is, to recognize and admit to bad decisions and bad attitudes. People have a choice to see the positives in the world around them or to focus on what’s negative, or perhaps just different than what they’re used to. We can explain away bad choices in a way that avoids having to grow indefinitely, but it’s just a convenient form of self-deception.
Perhaps the worst part about managing people is that you can’t let everyone in and experience what the inner workings of a company are really like, even if you trust you them, enjoy their company, even see management potential in them. When something great happens it’s generally a simple matter to communicate it to your team, and transparency is always a positive- “This amazing event happened because of A, B, and C”. But when it’s negative, even poisonous, it gets infinitely more complex. I’ve learned a tremendous amount about human resources laws, privacy laws, and finances in the last few years, for which I am immensely thankful for- but all of which cloud any attempt to lay out lessons learned, to divine some sort of wisdom from an event, or series of events you’d wished never happened. Knowing the truth and not being able to say anything is bad enough, but seeing the truth misrepresented and not being able to say anything is worse.
To tie this ramble all together, it’s always easier to point the finger at something you don’t understand, especially when it’s to save face, and not doing so would mean you’d have to change and accept things about yourself that make you uncomfortable.
by Ben on August 10, 2010
Clearly I’ve found it difficult to keep up a personal blog in 2010. At least one I’m comfortable with my business colleagues reading.
It’s not that what I do isn’t interesting- something wacky comes up almost every day, good bad or indifferent. Maybe it’s that the last two years have humbled me a great deal, and it’s hard to justify writing something I know only a handful of people would find stimulating and entertaining. I’ve also found that, perhaps as a self defense mechanism, my own personal interest in the world of technology wanes when I don’t have the disposable income to actually buy the things I would typically be so enthralled with. Student loans, a tough economy, and the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink random expenses that get thrown at you when you’re just about to come out ahead have made 2010 a frustrating year, to put it lightly.
I’ve had to force myself to find new ways to cope with changing reality, and I’m learning things about myself all the time as a result. I’ve found that just by losing weight, it doesn’t automatically give you motivation to keep it off. It’s my biggest vice, and I’m accepting that not going hogwild with the food and the beer and the etcetcetc is going to be a lifetime struggle. That’s ok. There are worse things out there other people are battling. Instead of going to the gym, I’m trying to get involved in sports. Instead of dieting, I’m going to (when I lose some of the weight I gained back last month!) just commit to cooking at home more. Instead of Whole Foods, Costco. You get the idea. I’ve also developed a bit of an obsession with my balcony garden and growing my own chili peppers. I have a feeling it’s not going to end well for my stomach.
Resisting the temptation to be reactive instead of proactive is the most difficult part of my career thus far. When I’m in a tough meeting with someone that works for me, or in the zone training, or deep into writing a new policy manual or training webinar, I can’t be stopped. I know that when I’m on my feet and running with something, there is nobody better at this job than me. The dangerous part is when your machine is well oiled, it’s sometimes hard to imagine it better than it already is. Or to reach down and find the fortitude necessary to rock the boat that is sailing along respectably without your meddling. What I’ve found in the last two months is that this process snowballs- when I get one thing going that I just pulled out of nowhere and it works, it motivates me to mess with something else, then something else, until I sit back and say, “Everything about this is wrong!”
Then, of course, I have to get a cup of coffee, because I know I’m going to be up all night anyway.
Here is a picture from the vacation I took this year in Trinidad, CA. If you ever drive through Northern California, you owe it to yourself to stop in.
